So today is the LAST day to enter to become the new face of Marc Jacobs. I know, I know … I’m stressed about it, too. Psyche. As most of you know from my lack of selfies and photos of myself, I hate having my photograph taken. I think it’s genetic because my mother hates it, too. I get awkward, uncomfortable, I start to sweat, I don’t know what to do with my hands, I look like death most of the time … I mean … wait!
One of the reasons why I adore Marc Jacobs ads is because he highlights the best part of women … our fun/carefree side. We don’t always need to be jumping in mid-air perfectly wearing couture in ads (I mean who the hell can HONESTLY pull off jumping in mid-air looking all glam and shit, Vogue … huh?!)
So here’s why I think I would make an awesome candidate as the new face of Marc Jacobs … ahem:
1. I’m super awkward
2. I look really good stuffed in a shopping bag
3. I’m extraordinarily pale … like Casper mine as well be my bro from another ho
4. I’m tall (5’9 … what what)
5. I’ve mastered the “deer-in-headlights” look
6. My hair can easily become an afro with a little humidity and moisture
7. I can duckface with the best of um … (but I HATE it … don’t make me do it, promise?)
8. Stripes and/or polka dots are my fave
9. I believe the bigger the hat the better
10. And finally I have no problem being made up like a tranny hot mess
So there you have it. In my Marc Jacobs ad, you know, if I get chosen :::hair flip:::, I would have one of his fantastic handbags covering my face, with like some fierce, Lady Gaga-esque cat-style nails gripping the bag, sitting with my legs spread open (calm down) on a velvet couch, wearing an over-sized ridiculous skirt, fierce ass socks with heels, and a simple T that just says “MARC!”
Now … I will leave you with some of my favorite Marc ads … and maybe a pic of myself. AHH!
Me. #Awkward
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